Have you ever found yourself mid-conversation and thought, "Gross! I don't even want to be talking about this anymore."
I have found myself in the middle of these conversations all too frequently as of late. Whether I am complaining about a person, picking apart another's decisions, or picking apart myself. Maybe it's caring too much about stuff I can't control. Or possibly talking about stuff that just simply doesn't matter very much. I am the instigator and perpetuator of conversations that I quite simply don't need to have.
Some things are better left unsaid, but I so easily justify myself by saying that I am being vulnerable about what I feel, or it's just where I am right now, that these are the things I'm thinking about. Sure, I want to have grace for myself as I navigate a new stage of life. But what I do NOT want to do, is refuse to push myself to something better. If my what my day looks like leads me only to be comparing myself to others, I need to change what my day looks like. If my relationships are such that I am constantly feeling less than or that I don't measure up, then most likely, I need to change the conversations we are having.
I don't know why, but it seems these things are worse around the holidays. Maybe I am more prone to comparison this time of year, or maybe the expectations of the season get me thinking that things should be a certain way instead of the way they are, but excuses aside, in this time of spending more time with people than usual, I want my conversations to be worth having. I want my words to be positive. I want to be honest, yet to hold back the things that are better left unsaid.